Choose whom you care to respond to

Should we answer everyone?

Occasionally, we find that something stated by a person is unpleasant or offensive. We get upset and angry and want to give a strong rejoinder. Recently, upon reading a draft response in a newsgroup that I follow,  I started thinking. Does every communication deserve a response?

First we should analyze the status of the person who made the said statement and the message. Do we dislike the statement? Is the statement a deliberate lie or a misunderstanding of facts. Does the person have a huge following. Will a response from us influence the person or his followers?

Suppose the person is a blind and idiotic follower of a hate group. Telling him that he is wrong will have no effect. Telling him that he may be following some wrong people and naming the latter now may lead him to those leads we have given him as he will try to prove that he is correct. We will be helping him to gain references for such future statements of the same type. Moreover, we will be increasing the number of followers and readers of the leaders of the hate group.

Here is an analogy. As we walk along a dark road, street dogs would start barking at us. Do we try to train those street dogs? We pass and either the dogs stop barking or we are far away that we do not hear them anymore. Hence, if some people are like barking dogs, it is best to pass that street quickly.

Suppose, the person is like a dirty pig. We should exercise even greater precaution. If we throw excreta at a pig, it actually consumes it and gets stronger. Hence, if we consider a person to be a pig, the more dirty words we use against him, his vocabulary improves for future skirmishes with us. We will have to spend more shampoo, soap, and hot water to wash ourselves. Hence, it is best to avoid any future contact with such a person.

In any response, we invest our resources, such as time, energy, and patience. We expect an outcome. We have to consider our success in achieving the outcome we look for and the return on investment of our resources.

In most encounters, we do not consider the input and outcome relationship. We may respond in anger. If we develop some hypothetical cases ahead of time, our mind will be trained. We will be prepared to respond measurably in deserving cases and conserve our resources when that is the best course.